Have you been having trouble communicating with your partner? Are all your concerns and questions met with an indifferent I am fine or it’s nothing? If you answered yes to any of the questions it might be time to take a step back and re-evaluate your relationship.
At the beginning of a relationship, everything is hunky-dory, you love him and he loves you. But as we grow older, our priorities change and what once seemed romantic or mushy to us starts looking unnecessary or frivolous. In the middle of changing priorities and constant pressures of our daily life, it’s quite possible for our romantic life to fall by the wayside and for our partners to feel stifled in the relationship.
Since communication is a grey area where even the most skilled people often fumble, how can we get our partners to talk and air their grievances in a positive and constructive manner? After all, we don’t possess the divine powers of a certain Ms. Oprah! Worry not, for after reading dozens of relationship columns, and talking with various relationship counselors we created a questionnaire that can act as a barometer to judge your partner’s level of satisfaction in the relationship. So just go through the list and prepare to have a heart to heart with your partner and reclaim your relationship!
1. What are The First Words That Pop Into Your Head When You Think About Our Relationship?
A little bit of pop-psychology hurts nobody. This question will not only serve as a perfect opening for a really intense talk, but it will also give you a glimpse into their repressed feelings with the help of a simple word association game. Often a lot of our feelings get swept under the carpet because we refuse to acknowledge them and dismiss them as silly or unimportant. It’s only when these repressed feelings give way to anger and frustration that we take notice of them and by then it’s almost too late to make any significant change. This question will provide you an insight into those unacknowledged feelings of your partner.
2. What Is That You Need From Our Relationship, That I Am Not Providing You?
Unlike what the movies and romance novels would have you believe, one can’t determine what is happening in one’s partners mind. Yes, this happens if you are soulmates. Even if you have spent years together, chances are you still need help in figuring out each other’s wants and requirements. What better way is to do that than asking about them up front?
3. What Are Your Priorities Right Now?
Couples who have been together for a long time often forget that even though falling in love is easy, keeping the flame of passion alive is a different ball game altogether. As we grow older, other stuff such as career, family, kids often acquire our more urgent attention and to make up for that we start slacking on the romance front. And this is where the relationship starts going downhill. Ask your partner what is it that s/he wants to focus on and remind them that your relationship shouldn’t suffer because of misplaced priorities.
4. What Are You Thankful For In Our Relationship?
They might not buy you flowers every other day or you might not surprise them by leaving love notes in every corner of the house. But there are other things which might seem very mundane or banal but they signify the level of care and concern you have for each other. Such as taking care of each other when you are sick or cooking dinner when the other person has had a hectic day at work. If your partner can’t even find a single thing to thank you for or be grateful for, then this is the biggest red flag that signals that all’s not well in your relationship.
5. How Do You Feel About Our Physical Intimacy?
Physical intimacy or the lack thereof is a major bone of contention in most long-time relationships. Over time, the act of getting in between the sheets takes on the role of a chore rather than an act of expression of love or appreciation of each other, and this puts a lot of pressure on your relationship. Therefore, it’s very important to know where you guys stand in this regard. Ask your partner if they feel it has become a routine or uninteresting; have an open conversation about your wants and needs in the bedroom. This will not only help you spice up your love life. But you will also be more aware of your partner’s needs and would be able to make efforts to meet them.
Relationships are hard, there’s no denying that. But you know what’s even more difficult? It’s finding the right partner. Since you have already crossed the first and most difficult obstacle, don’t let your efforts go to waste. Ask the right questions and pay attention to your partner’s needs to rekindle the flame of love. You promised to spend your lives with them, now stand by that promise.
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